Thinking Before Your Speak – alternately titled – Back Off, I Love All My Children The Same

I was thinking the other day as I was fielding a passersby’s comment about our kids how our “stranger comments” have changed over the years.

With my first pregnancy it was “Oh, is this your first?, Boy or girl?”  Then we went to “Oh wow, your expecting?  How old is your baby?  Ah, they’re going to be really close.”

B1 and B2 then begin to be so close in size I would get the,  “Are they twins?”.  When I was pregnant with B3 I noticed that the comments started to change a bit.   I begin to hear “I sure hope this one is a girl.”

After B3 was born the statements begin to change even more and even begin to get a little, what’s the word, rude.  “Three boys! Oh no, I would die if I had THREE boys!”  “I see you never did get that girl huh, are you going to keep trying?”  Now honestly this frustrated me a bit.  This was not something that we heard every once in a while but instead something we heard almost every time we went out in public and were even more likely to hear it when I was alone with the boys.  I begin to respond with a “Yes, we’re very blessed to have our boys.”  I would simply ignore the “Do you plan to have more?” .  I just didn’t feel that I needed to discuss my future conceptions with strangers nor did I like people assuming that our sons were just products of failed attempts to have daughters.

Our comments since having B4 have of course changed to “Ah, you finally got the girl huh?” or “I guess you’re finally done.”, which I find just as demeaning to my boys.  Now I understand that most of the time these comments are totally innocent.  People are simply observing and speaking what first comes to mind.  But really if people would think for 2 mintues before they speak (like we constantly remind our children to do) they may realize what they are indirectly implying and what little ears are comprehending.

Does anyone else get the same comments over and over by strangers?  If so, tell us about them.

One thought on “Thinking Before Your Speak – alternately titled – Back Off, I Love All My Children The Same

  1. I still get comments about the age difference between my two sons. “So, you wanted to have two separate families?” Or, “The youngest must have been a mistake.” I want to answer to both, “God doesn’t make mistakes.” and “We have always been one family.”
    Some people speak before they think.

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